Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Texas Chainsaw Massacre ::
by William the Bloody
When I heard this was happening, I
thought I had died and gone to horror hell. A classic being remade? Why not it
worked so well with Psycho (ugh). Why mess with a beautiful, classic piece of
film history, haven't they shamed it enough by making it a celebrity Loveboat?
Hadn't three lackluster sequels shat enough on Gunner Hanson and Tobe Hooper
that we have learned to leave well enough alone? Then I saw the picture in
Entertainment weekly of
Leatherface. Then I heard R. Lee was in it. Then I vowed to give it a chance. I
cannot say it is the best horror movie I have ever seen.
I can tell you all that this is the most sustained feeling of horror I have ever
felt watching a movie. I was literally jaw agape, on the edge of my seat for two
ten intervals. I jumped from the seat, I looked away from the screen, and then
realizing what I was doing, laughed joyously. this movie scared the hell out of
me, and it will you too. That little kid inside of you, that boy or girl that
used to sneak old Friday or Freddy movies, and hide under the covers when the
bad parts came.
If there is any semblance of that kid left in your cynical, seen it all, jaded
life, then this movie will make you remember that horror.
The victims, travelers are top notch. Each one is ingratiated, almost
immediately, we know who these people are, we can tell them apart. But they are
not walking stereotypes. The villains. R Lee is R Lee; he's a walking
caricature. He is and always will be Gunnery Sergeant Hartman. A bully-ish
authority character who is rude and pushes people around.
Leatherface is a machine. Scary as
hell, a bear of a man, with no pity or remorse for the people he puts down. He
is Evil Sloth. One draw back: One of the best things about the character was the
what's behind the mask mystery. Should have stayed that way. The other baddies
are not on screen long enough to really make an impression. You see characters
all too briefly, and you wonder where they are, and what they are doing during
other parts of the movie. If there is one complaint here it is that there are
too many people in the nutball family. You don't really
understand exactly how they all fit into the picture, and that is sort of a
problem. One character in particular, a morbidly obese woman, is in one scene,
and then vanishes with no explanation.
The movie thunders along, with many horrible scenes of suffering the likes of
which I've never seen. Pain and fear prevail.
Very seldom does someone see a horror flick and not blurt out "why don't they
Just" or "if only this character were not such a dumbass". This movie has 0 of
those moments. They don't think of it and neither do you. You feel the fear of
the characters. Visceral. I loved that about this movie.
The ending of the movie has a few similarities to the first one, very close in
the happenings. It also has a Blair Witch-esque epilogue which was weak. We
didn't need to see more at that point, but they gave it to us anyway, left a
slightly sour taste after all the scary crap that just went down.
Great likable heroes, sinister evil bad-guys. Sense of unsettling dread and fear
permeating through the whole movie. The most shining endorsement I can give this
film is that I liked it more than House of 1000 Corpses. and that horror fans
says volumes.
Solid A. Sort-comings are there, but this movie had so much fear and suffering
that it more than made up for a few short over sites.
