Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Monsters vs. Aliens ::
by William the Bloody
Somewhere in deep space, a planet explodes and a chuck of it soars straight for planet Earth. In the sleepy little town of Modesto, California, Susan wakes up early because it is her big day; she's getting married! Gown on, she arrives at the little church out in a field where she greets guests and awaits the ceremony. She clears her head out on a gazebo and suddenly, she is struck down by a giant, glowing meteorite. She gets back up and feels okay, so her mother cleans her up and she walks down the aisle. Only as the is unveiled at the alter, she starts to glow... and grow. And grow. Soon she's burst through the chapel roof she's so big, and as confused wedding guests flee, government agents arrive who had been tracking the meteorite, and they take Susan down. She wakes up in different clothes in some sort of bunker where she is greeted by a group of bizarre "monsters." The man in charge of the facility, General Monger, informs Susan that in the 1950s the government decided that the general public would not be able to deal with the existence of monsters, so any they find are brought to live in this government bunker. Susan is now one of these monsters and dubbed a "nonentity" and no longer exists to the outside world. Weeks pass, and it seems the American government wasn't the only ones tracking that meteorite, as an alien has sent a giant robot to Earth in order to retrieve the powerful element it contained called "Quantonium." After a failed attempt at communicating with the robot, it starts to tear apart the California countryside. General Monger approaches the President for a last ditch effort at containing the robot by calling in his monsters. If the monsters can defeat the robot, they'll be granted their freedom, but the robot may not be the only thing they have to take down.
The Good: The computer animation was superb, as to be expected, with great detail paid to skin and hair textures and especially to the gelatinous creature BOB. The voice cast did a terrific job, particularly Seth Rogen as BOB, Reese Witherspoon as Susan, Kiefer Sutherland as General Monger, and Rainn Wilson as the evil alien Galaxhor. There were some genuinely funny parts and sweet tips o' the hat to classic sci-fi (re: the old footage of BOB's escape from the lab in which he was created was pretty much right from the old "The Blob" movie). One of my favourite bits was the boy-girl role reversal in the clichéd couple making out in car stumbles upon alien robot from space scene. Awesome. Also, when Galaxhor is going to give his big "why I did it" monologue and is constantly interrupted. Good stuff. BOB had some really great dumb guy lines.
The Bad: The plot CLEARLY took a back seat to the fun and action. It was practically nonexistent and almost all of Susan's character development was everything that's been done and done again in other films.
All in all, not something that requires your brain, AT ALL. Clearly a kids sci-fi rehash, but still fun for grown ups for all the homages. Genuine laughs included!
B+
