Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: X-men: The Last Stand ::
by William the Bloody
The not too distant future, scientists have found what they believe to be a permanent "cure" for the mutant gene. One injection will cancel out all signs of mutation. The source of this cure, is a mutant's own mutation whose ability negates a mutants powers within a certain radius and this is being exploited by Worthington Labs. All claims and disclaimers surrounding this cure say that dosing it is strictly voluntary to the affected mutants; if they wish to be cured, line up at one of the designated dosing stations. And they do, by the hundreds. Magneto of course, is outraged by this means for man to strip mutants of their gifts and takes it as an act of war on the mutant population. Xavier's camp knows that while the existence of a cure is an ominous threat, there are indeed mutants who cannot control their powers or have abilities/an appearance they feel they would be better off without and you can't tell everyone what to do with their own lives. While Magneto amasses a small super-powered army, Xavier and the X-men have problems within their own house as Jean Grey rises from the dead more powerful and deadlier than ever...
The Good: Let's give up a round of applause for FAN SERVICE! 1) The Danger Room finally appears! 2) A shadowy cameo of a Sentinel! 3) Colossus and Wolverine perform the Fast-Ball Special maneuver! 4) The Beast says "Oh my stars and garters" (they paid Kelsey Grammar $50,000 just to do that one line, I'm sure)! 5) Iceman actually covers himself with ice! 6) We meet Dr Moira MacTaggert!! While the fan service was great, even better was the awesome use of the mutant powers throughout the whole film; there were virtually no pulled punches here! Kitty not only phases through walls, but pulls Juggernaut into the floor, Pyro shoots massive fireballs, Wolverine rips limbs off, evil Jean Grey literally tears stuff to atoms with her mind... I was impressed by the level they were willing to take things here. People die left and right! Major characters! The mutant "cure" plot is pretty much typical X-men comic fare, which is awesome. The students at Xavier's whose powers we don't even witness are recognizable for who they are supposed to be, if you're fan of the comics. The young mutant whose power is to cancel other powers (Leech) is also from the comics, so it was interesting (and smart) that they used him to derive the cure in the movie.
The Bad: This film felt like I was watching two movies simultaneously, and that made it feel rushed and crammed with information. It honestly had two plotlines: the mutant cure and the evil Jean Grey. Either one would have made for a strong movie, but both seemed like too much. There's a part where Magneto moves a bridge in order to reach the cure-making facility on an island, and this just felt so over the top it borderlined on drama queen-y. I thought that the X-men themselves crossed a serious ethical line in how they defeated Magneto in the end. I could NOT believe that they would seriously do that. I felt that it was seriously wrong, even given the mass destruction he was causing, launching cars at people. And, even though this movie did so many things right with so many mutants and their powers, it STILL managed to get so many aspects wrong with regards to what these characters can actually do in the comics. It seemed like they were just making stuff up for Callisto (it was her companion Caliban who could sense mutants and she did NOT have super-speed), it looked like all Psylocke (I don't even think they mentioned her name in the film, you just had to know by the purple hair and mark over her eye) could do was meld with her surroundings (no telepathy or telekinesis AT ALL?? No trademarked psychic knife? What the hell?), oh and JUGGERNAUT ISN'T EVEN A MUTANT in the comics (honest... his powers come from magic)!!
In the end, the movie was ALMOST as bad as it was good. It has some really awesome super power fights, and takes them to the limit, but it also tries to cram too much junk in on top. They did a pretty loyal interpretation of all the major X-characters, but the minor ones they just didn't care too much. Evil Jean Grey seemed like she was in the movie for no reason at all, since most of the time she was on the sidelines watching. There were some good character moments re: Wolverine/Jean, Pyro/Iceman, Mystique/Magneto, and the whole Rogue-Iceman-Kitty triangle (even if I'm secretly looking for some Kitty-Colossus smoochies). This movie has some awesome fights, great visuals, sound, and effects, but not too, too much else. The experience tasted good, but left a bad taste in my mouth.
PS- Stay through the end credits.... You'll be glad you did!
B-
