Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Friday the 13th (2009) ::
by William the Bloody
Okay, do we really need to go over what’s in a Friday the 13th movie? Well, here’s the skinny on this new version. Twenty years ago, Mrs. Voorhees goes on a murdering rampage, bestowing bloody vengeance on the councilors of Camp Crystal Lake whom she felt were guilty for the negligent homicide of her son, Jason. However, Jason did not actually die, and he witnessed the messy end of his mother at the hands of the last surviving councilor. Nowadays, Camp Crystal Lake is abandoned and disheveled, but the legend of Mrs Voorhees and her disturbed son Jason has lived on. A group of college age kids are hiking in the woods around Crystal Lake searching for a rumoured crop of marijuana plants when they get lost and set up tents for the night. The tale of Jason is told around the fire before retiring to a night of debauchery. This is, or course, Jason’s cue to start killing people left and right, which he does. Fast forward about a month, and those college age kids have families who are looking for them, one of which is Clay, the older brother of one of the missing girls, Whitney, who has returned to Crystal Lake to hand out flyers, not wanting to give up on his sister. Clay’s path crosses with that of a new crop of college kids here to use one of their parents’ lake house. One of these girls feels sorry for Clay and offers to keep him company handing out flyers. As they circle the lake, they stumble upon the abandoned camp where they see Jason totally carrying a dead body over his shoulder. The party is now officially over as they try to make it back to the lake house in time to warn and hopefully save their friends.
The Good: I was kind of pissed off when I heard about this retelling or whatever you want to call it (especially after the spectacular disappointment of Halloween), but I have to say, the makers of this film actually did their homework. Apart from a wheelchair guy getting a meat cleaver to the face, this movie had all of the things I enjoy about the Friday franchise and then some. There were some pretty sweet death scenes, including a few I did not see coming at all. It was even well put together, including little points they didn’t beat over your head with and surprisingly good acting for a Friday film. One of my personal favourite moments is the man-scream, and it’s delivered perfectly. The body count is also pretty impressive, clocking in at over 12. Oh, and there are naked boobs. As there should be in a Friday film. Yes, there should be.
The Bad: Well, you may think I’m being weird here, but I’m going to give a nitpick. Look at Jason in this movie. Look at him. That guy is clearly a man who does not shower. How he can surprise someone when indoors is beyond me when his stench would clearly give him away. Seriously. There was one death that bothered me. Sure it made for a dramatic scene and all, but I’m sorry I didn’t buy it. Another thing that made no sense, was what the survivors choose to do at the end. I don’t understand how they decided that this was a good idea. Nevermind that it doesn’t make rational sense, it also took a great deal of effort besides. Oh and, why the hell is abandoned Camp Crystal Lake still connected to electricity?? Somebody is asleep at the department of water and power.
Overall, I liked this movie loads more than I expected to. It had some swell nostalgia factors going for it as well as fitting into the updated modern setting well. This was a sweet relaunch to a classic series with all of the elements you’d expect, and also better effects, acting and an attention to detail maybe you didn’t. There were many parts which made no sense really, but the old horror movies are full of holes. For fans of the old Friday films and slasher flick aficionados, too.
B+
