Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Fantastic Four (2005) ::
by William the Bloody
Ah yes, the Fantastic Four. A comic book which has seen film adaptation before, but we won't go there (*coughRogerCormancough*). In case you are unfamiliar with the comics, here's the low down. Four old friends, brilliant scientist Reed Richards, his old girlfriend and fellow scientist Susan Storm, her younger show-off brother Johnny Storm, and Reed's best friend pilot, Benjamin Grimm, go on a research mission in space. Due to some incalculable, er, miscalculations, these four are exposed to a bizarre and heretofore unresearched radioactivity and their DNA is altered, thus giving them fantastic super powers (super stretchiness, invisibility/force fields, lighting on fire/flight, and a rock hard hide/super strength, respectively). For the purposes of the film, this research mission into space was funded by one Victor Von Doom, a millionaire industrialist with a space station facility which is perfect for Reed's research needs. Von Doom accompanies the four on the mission because 1) it's his money on the line and he wants to supervise and 2) he's got a thing for Sue Storm because she's, well, Jessica Alba. Von Doom is also exposed to this mysterious radioactivity and his DNA too reacts, turning his flesh into some sort of biological metallic material and giving him electric powers. Because Ben's transformation is physical, basically turning him into a hideous hunk of rock, his fiancée walks out on him, repulsed, and Ben gets melancholy as people on the street cringe when they see him. Reed needs to make this up to his best friend Ben not to mention Sue whom he still has feelings for, and Johnny as well, but Johnny seems to be getting on just fine, enjoying the fame, attention, and girls that come with it. The four hole up in Reed's apartment/science lab in the Baxter Building while Reed works out a cure. Victor meanwhile, has suffered a massive financial loss at the failure of Reed's space research and is being forced out of his own company. When Victor discovers his increasing electric powers, he uses them to off the directors who were trying to oust him from his company and to get his hands on some weapons to take down the only people who would stand in his way on his quest for more power: the Fantastic Four.
The Good: I was really expecting this movie to suck, but it didn't. That was a pleasant turn. Having read the comics on and off for years, I am rather familiar with the characters, and, I have to say, they got them down. The relationships of the four were pretty well nailed. The way Johnny and Ben play off each other is straight out of the books. The first scene with Reed and Sue really delivered on the sexual tension between them and you could tell that there was a history there. I have to give props to Alba for actually doing a decent job since she usually doesn't but still has a career anyway on account of the whole eye candy factor, which I can't deny helped that she looked good in the skin tight suit. Reed's stretching effects were pretty good, particularly when he has to reach under a door, as were Johnny's flame effects. Stan "the Man" Lee had his contractual obligatory appearance, this time as the Four's mail man, with lines and everything!
The Bad: There were plot holes galore. I'm not kidding. Whomever wrote the screenplay obviously had no idea about the "unstable molecule" theory in the comics as he seemed to making crap up as he went along. It just really ticked me off, is all. Also, the whole subplot of Victor being kicked out of his own company and then seeking revenge on some board members felt waaaaay too borrowed from the Spider-man film Norman Osborn thing. And by the by, whose idea was it to give Victor electric powers, anyway? That sort of came out of no where, seeing as to how the comic character has no super powers, unless you count his magic using. I mean, it's okay, I guess, and they even worked it into the plot a bit, but it sort of sits uneasy with me. Like our regular garden variety Victor Von Doom just wasn't good enough, even though he manages to routinely kick some major ass without the powers in the comics. There is an epilogue after the credits start, and I felt that it was pretty weak. Yeah, I see what they were trying to do with it, but it still felt flat.
In the end, it was pretty okay. As I said, I went in looking to be severely disappointed and was surprised when I wasn't. I don't think it was as good as the Spider-man films or X-men 2, but I'd say it was right on par with X-men 1 and better than Daredevil (yeah the comparisons were inevitable). The characters are good and this movie is fun, unlike oh say Batman Begins, so this one is safe for the kiddies, just don't think too much while watching or else those gigantic plot holes will get you down.
B
