Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Death Rat! by Michael J Nelson ::
by William the Bloody
Pontius Feeb is having a terrible day. He was invited out to lunch by his boss only to be told that the publishing company he has worked for for the last twenty odd years has been sold and they've eliminated his division of book publication in order to focus more on magazines. He exits the restaurant teary eyed and got into his white Tempo. Unfortunately, he had put it into first before configuring the seat, and when he went to make an adjustment, the back lowered completely and pinned his arm between the seat and door. With a Herculean effort on his part, he managed to hoist himself up in an attempt to pull the seat forward with his free hand, but while failing to free his pinned hand, he did succeed in moving his foot off the clutch and onto the accelerator. In order to avoid ramming the car in front of him, and in a fit of panic, Ponty was now on the sidewalk and only half in control of his vehicle. He ran down a cop. He had to spend the night in jail. His mug shot was all over the papers, and seen by his land-lady who invoked the moral-turpitude clause in his lease had had him evicted. Ponty, an ex-historic book writer (with titles like Push Me, Pull You: The Importance of Railroad Handcars to an Emerging Industry and Better Than Great: A Maritime History of Lake Superior) and a man in his sixties, is now sharing a house with some college kids who are called things like "Sags" and "Beater." One day, Ponty is in a bookshop and he sees a display for a gripping tale of survival. A man trapped alone in the wilderness. Something about this book seizes Ponty like nothing has before; something about the primal man against nature thrill, and he decides why can't he, Pontius Feeb, also write a gripping tale of survival? In order to feel comfortable, his story takes place in the past and has somewhat a basis in fact: it takes place in Holey, Minnesota (a real town, current population: 38), during their mini gold rush in the mid 1800s (this actually happened), the lead character is named Edward Lynch (actual historic figure), and his conflict with the local pastor (speculative, but a possibility) and how his life turned around when he was cornered by six foot long quasi intelligent rat and survived (complete fabrication for the purposes of the novel--- rats don't get to be six feet long and intelligent, you silly). Ponty is a really great writer, it's just that heretofore all of his books have been about subject matter no one cared about so he is pretty much an unknown to the general public, and he can't sell his opus Death Rat! to a publisher because it's a gripping tale of survival and in order to sell one of those, the publishers want a writer who LOOKS like someone who could actually tell a survival story, which at short, balding and sixty, Ponty does not. Ponty gives up on Death Rat! and goes to work of a burger joint where he meets Jack Ryback, someone who has actually read one of his books, and they hit it off as friends. Jack is a young, broad shouldered man who acts in community theater hoping to break out when Ponty springs on him a proposal: Jack could claim Death Rat! as his own work to a publisher and the two can share the profits. Jack eventually agrees and Death Rat! is sold within the week. One problem. Jack didn't read it and sold it as NON-fiction, seeing as how as far as he knew Ponty only ever writes historic books. The book is bought and sold at auction and printed it seems without ANYONE reading it, only a summary provided by a secretary, and the fact-checkers glossed over it in order to get it out before a rival publisher's hippopotamus survival story hit the shelves. Ponty and Jack are doomed if anyone decides to actually look into the book. Unless... they can bribe the entire town of Holey into lying for them. Sure, that'd work, if it weren't for rival author Gus Bromstad getting all worked up because Death Rat! is outselling his latest in a very successful line of Dogwood Downs books. And all the media attention of funk star King Leo having a religious revelation after reading Death Rat! to bring about a revival festival to tiny Holey. What lengths will Bromstad go to in order to discredit Death Rat!? And what does it have to do with Den Institut Dansk? Read Death Rat! and find out!
The Good: I love Mike Nelson. For those of you who don't know him, he's the former head writer and host of the television show, Mystery Science Theater 3000, which is one of my all-time favorite shows, and he also wrote a book reviewing movies I enjoyed called Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese. This would be his first attempt at a novel that I'm aware of and it was pretty darn good. Mike is a Minnesota native, so it is only fitting that there is where his novel takes place, and you get the feeling that he knows his way around town. He knows Minnesota so well, you feel like YOU know Minnesota. His main characters, mainly that of Pontius Feeb and Gus Bromstad, are wonderfully written and you can get a real sense of who they are that they feel like real people. Ponty is your lovable klutz who hardly ever gets a break, and just a big bundle of anxiety, while Gus is your basic arrogant jerk who can't stand to have the Minnesota limelight turned away from him just this once. The chapters change point of view from time to time which is both helpful on giving us the full story and giving us good laughs. This book made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion, with its series of unlikely events cascading into one another that is reminiscent of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. The ending was realistic and did not disappoint me.
The Bad: Some people might not like or understand all of the Minnesota references contained in this little novel, causing some to sigh, "who cares?" I personally don't like to watch others get into embarrassing situations, and this book had loads of that for our poor Mr. Feeb. Unfortunately, when reading a book, I can't turn away hoping it'll all be over by the time I look back like with watching a movie. Oh, no. I set the book down and it's still there waiting for me when I pick it up again.
Overall. I liked it. It wasn't fabulous, and it went along much slower for me on account of having to set it down when reading embarrassing moments for our lead character from time to time. The characters felt very real and the book, down to earth. Like I say, not a "wowwer" but I got mine for like $5 USD, so who'm I to complain? I would NOT recommend paying full price ($14.95 USD) unless you're a hardcore Mike Nelson fan.
B
