Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Clerks II ::
by William the Bloody
Just in case you haven't seen Clerks part one: Dante Hicks works at a convenience store and his friend Randall Graves works for the video store next door. And that's about all of the set up you need, really. Well, to Dante, the convenience store was supposed to be temporary... a stepping stone until he finished some college courses or whatnot, you know, that sort of thing. Only, temporary turned into ten years, and it took the whole place burning down for him to finally leave. Now he and Randall are working at a fast food burger place, Mooby's, and at last, the end to Dante's life in neutral seems nigh, with his engagement to the hot blonde who never gave him time of day in high school and a grand life in Florida awaiting him after this, his last day flipping burgers. Randall is sad to see his best friend go, but will nevertheless give him an unforgettable send off (no matter the questionable legalities of it all). Stoners Jay and Silent Bob are now clean and sober after getting pinched and forced into rehab (it was that or get hard time), but still deal their living and boogie with their boombox in sidewalks. Is saying goodbye to all of this the true way for Dante to finally make something of his life and find happiness?
The Good: It was pretty much an on par sequel. As with any part 2 movie, they follow the sort of "formula" of part 1, but deliver just a little more somethin'-somethin' in the pay-off, and that's how this one worked out, all too well. All of the cursing, sexual conundrum jokes, movie references (I'm going to start saying "CHUD-ugly" now, just FYI), and witty banter you come to know, love and expect from a Smith film are here and in lovely, massive dollops (re: Randall's Star Wars vs. Lord of the Rings dialogue), as well as the thinly veiled and good hearted knocks at religion and homosexuality (you know, in a good way). Just about all of Smith's repeat performance actors have a bit of face time (Affleck has one line), but not so much as to deter from the "stars" of the story. New character Elias rounds out the ensemble cast and gives Randall someone else to pick on (with usually hilarious results). And what's this? A hint of character development, perhaps? 's all good. PS- I really dug the soundtrack for this movie. The Talking Heads and Smashing Pumpkins? Can't go wrong.
The Bad: More then ten years later, Dante and Randall haven't changed their "after school drama class" style of line delivery one bit. It didn't bother me TOO much, but people unfamiliar with Clerks 1 may not like it at all. Some people MAY find... erm Dante's going away party to be in poor taste, but there's nothing too graphic. I didn't care for Elias's "pillowpants" speech (even though it DID have awesome "creepy" music). To me, that took his virginal naiveté to stupidly unbelievable levels.... Come on, no one's THAT gullible!
After all was said and done, it was a delightful romp into geeksville that had me laughing more than once at jokes that seemed almost tailor made for an audience made up entirely of people like me. I didn't have any profound revelations from it or anything, but then, you're not supposed to. This film delivered exactly what it set out to do, with no pretentious misconceptions about itself. It's straightforward and honest and it makes me laugh.
A-
